Sometimes God doesn't Give What we Want Yet , But What We Need,,

Honestly, I never talk about my condition if I feel sad or how hard it is to wake up from all of the broken hearts because I’ve been lied to by boyfriends. The problem is obviously not because I am afraid that you guys think how powerless I am. I just try to avoid my weird feelings. It would be very unpleasant to read it after my heart recovers. But now, I’m just trying to figure out my friend’s advice: “Even if it hurts, you will see how lucky you are that you have been there to feel that pain.”




There’s only one thing which made me feel so bad and always in a bad mood when I’m alone, wherever I am. Those kind of feelings suddenly attack and hurt me for a long time. It is just a very small problem I think. Nowadays I am always anxious because of my loneliness. I just miss the moment of falling in love with all of the incredible sensations which come every single day. However, it has been too long I haven’t had a touch of love.

I can say that my life is actually never without potential love. Despite the fact that there are always men who try to win my heart, I feel still the same: lonely. In some cases, I was in love with someone but there were always. Either he did not feel the same or maybe he was successful to make me fall in love but he did not catch me. In fact he left me alone and I was stuck in a dream of love.
“Oh my God, is this calling a curse??? “

Just one day before I finished my heart’s confession, one of my classmates told me about her fabulous trip to Eastern Europe. Why did I call her trip fabulous? Because she went there for a mission, a cultural mission. She is a dancer and there, she and some of dancers from my campus made a lot of cultural traditional dance performance. She has been there as a representative of my country and the other side of her official mission are she could get a lot of new experiences, she got many chances to attend international events and also had many friends from several countries. Didn’t it sound super fabulous, though? Well even she grumbled of her new body shape which was according to her that she gained seven kilos, the sparkle of her eyes could not even denied that she was happy,, criminally happy.

She said, “Of course it was fun, Bunga. Every day there was a party and every time was time to have fun.” Then I asked “So.. how bout Rylla (not her real name)?” Then she answered my curiosity with a long summary of her best friend, Rylla, who also went with her. She talked about the magnificent enchantments of Rylla which made many guys crazy over her. But unfortunately Rylla is not listed as a single lady. She already has a boyfriend and now he was waiting on her in Indonesia. And that was the only reason she did not attend the parties and some girls days out because her boy friend was kinda angry and worried about her unofficial agenda. Otherwise she would loose her boo if she went against his rule. CRAPP!!! How selfish of him!!!!

Suddenly, I remembered my trip to Europe the previous summer. Then I imagined: If only I was in a relationship when I was there (even though I knew that guy wouldn’t be the same as Rylla’s), MAYBE…. I could not dance till dusk with my new fellas and then MAYBE I was afraid to go on dates that were set up online (and they were all boys). Or MAYBE it would be impossible to discover Paris, Brussels or Amsterdam without a guy who stays beside me. And that was all only because I did not get permission from my boo.”
Alright, maybe I am not obedient like Rylla, but if you have been bewitched by love, who knows if the rebellious girl will become the same as Rylla?
And once again I memorized the old statement of my friend who now said:
“ Ngaaa… it is not a curse,, God just give you more time to have fun and enjoy it by yourself.“




“Oh my God, She’s absolutely right, huh??” I whispered thankfully ;D



XOXO

"Queen B"


P.S: Thanks a lot Bryan ;)